Friend & Foe by Adam Galinsky

One could boil leadership (more specifically, adaptive leadership) down to navigating the intricate balance between cooperation and competition. Adam Galinsky’s Friend & Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both offers a comprehensive framework for understanding and leveraging this dynamic. This article explores the book’s key insights, practical strategies, and real-world applications to empower leaders dealing with power imbalances.

Are humans naturally competitive or cooperative?

The debate over whether humans are fundamentally competitive or cooperative oversimplifies our nature. According to Galinsky, we are inherently both. Success stems from discerning when to compete and when to cooperate, depending on the situation.

Real-Life Example:

Consider negotiations. While competing for the best deal is crucial, long-term success often requires cooperation to build trust and maintain relationships. Leaders who can fluidly switch between these approaches are more likely to succeed.

How does social comparison influence leadership?

Social comparison is the process of evaluating ourselves relative to others. It plays a central role in shaping our perceptions of success and satisfaction. Leaders must understand how these comparisons impact their teams.

Types of Comparisons:

1. Upward Comparisons (to those more successful): Inspire motivation but may lower satisfaction.
   • Example: A team comparing itself to a higher-performing rival may work harder to improve.
2. Downward Comparisons (to those less successful): Boost morale but can reduce ambition.
   • Example: Celebrating that your department avoided layoffs when others didn’t can increase gratitude but might stifle growth.

How does power affect leadership behavior?

Power, the ability to influence others, is central to leadership. However, its effects are nuanced.

Positive Uses of Power:

• Reliving Powerful Moments: Reflecting on past successes boosts confidence.
  • Example: A leader recalling a major accomplishment before a challenging meeting.
• Power Poses: Adopting expansive postures increases feelings of authority.
  • Example: Standing with arms akimbo during a presentation.

Risks of Power:

1. Increased Risk-Taking: Overconfidence can lead to reckless decisions.
   • Example: A CEO making high-stakes acquisitions without due diligence.
2. Reduced Empathy: Power can dampen sensitivity to others’ perspectives.
   • Example: Leaders overlooking employee concerns during organizational changes.

Practical Tip:

Leaders can counteract these risks by soliciting feedback, practicing humility, and regularly shifting their focus to the needs of others.

When is hierarchy helpful or harmful?

Hierarchy, the organization of people into levels of authority, can streamline decision-making but also stifle creativity.

Benefits of Hierarchy:

• Coordination: Clear leadership roles reduce ambiguity.
  • Example: Emergency response teams use strict hierarchies to save lives efficiently.

Risks of Too Much Hierarchy:

• Lack of Creativity: Hierarchies can suppress diverse ideas.
  • Example: In a brainstorming session, junior employees may hesitate to share innovative ideas due to fear of contradicting senior leaders.

Leadership Insight:

Use high hierarchy for implementation and crisis management, but lower hierarchy when creative problem-solving or team input is needed.

What unique challenges do women leaders face?

Galinsky highlights societal biases and structural barriers that shape women’s leadership experiences.

Common Challenges:

1. Double Bind: Women are expected to be assertive but penalized for it.
   
   • Example: A female manager giving direct feedback might be labeled as “abrasive,” while a male counterpart is praised for being decisive.
2. Queen Bee Syndrome: Women in male-dominated fields may view other women as competition rather than allies.

Promoting Equality:

• Blind Auditions: Reducing bias by evaluating candidates without knowing their gender.
  • Example: Symphony orchestras saw a rise in female musicians after implementing blind auditions.

Leaders can champion gender equity by fostering inclusivity and self-awareness about biases.

Why is trust essential in leadership?

Trust, built on warmth and competence, is critical for effective leadership.

Ways to Build Trust:

1. Warmth:
   • Use kind words and gestures to demonstrate care.
   • Example: A manager asking about an employee’s well-being after a personal loss.
2. Competence:
   • Exhibit expertise and reliability.
   • Example: Delivering consistently accurate and timely reports builds credibility.

Vulnerability as a Trust-Builder:

Paradoxically, showing vulnerability can strengthen trust—if competence is already established.

• Example: Admitting a mistake and outlining steps to rectify it enhances authenticity.

How can leaders protect themselves from deception?

Deception is the act of misleading others intentionally. Leaders must stay vigilant to avoid being misled.

Strategies to Detect Deception:

1. Establish a Baseline: Observe typical behaviors to spot inconsistencies.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage elaboration to uncover hidden truths.
3. Increase Cognitive Load: Make lying harder by asking detailed or unexpected questions.

Example:

During a negotiation, a leader could ask for specifics about past performance or client testimonials to verify claims.

Can trust be repaired after it’s broken?

Yes, but it requires effort. Apologies are a powerful tool for rebuilding trust.

Elements of an Effective Apology:

1. Speed: Apologize promptly to show sincerity.
2. Candor: Be honest and acknowledge responsibility.
3. Promise to Change: Commit to behavior that prevents future breaches.

Example:

A leader who publicly admits a decision’s unintended harm and implements corrective policies demonstrates accountability and resilience.

How does perspective-taking benefit leaders?

Perspective-taking, understanding others’ viewpoints, helps leaders balance competing priorities.

Practical Application:

• Mimicry: Subtly copying someone’s body language or speech style creates rapport.
  • Example: Mirroring a client’s tone during a sales pitch to build trust.
• Seeking Advice: Engaging others in decision-making fosters buy-in.
  • Example: Asking team members for input on strategy increases commitment to execution.

Why do timing and order matter in leadership decisions?

Cognitive biases like the primacy effect (favoring the first option) and recency bias (favoring the last) influence decision-making.

Examples:

• During interviews, candidates who present first may benefit from the primacy effect.
• In a team presentation, the last speaker may leave a stronger impression due to recency bias.

Leaders can strategically position themselves or their ideas to maximize these effects.

What is the key takeaway from Friend & Foe?

Leadership success hinges on mastering the dual dynamics of cooperation and competition. By understanding power, hierarchy, trust, and timing, leaders can navigate complex relationships and achieve sustainable success. Galinsky’s insights offer a practical toolkit for leaders aiming to balance authority with empathy and ambition with collaboration.